Laughter Remedies & Stress Relief
Miscellaneous Jokes and One Liners for Women
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be
yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats
your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to
realise that you had set it free...... You either married it or gave
birth to it.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics
class pulls a hamstring.
Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and
forget where they left them.
One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of chocolates can make a
woman gain 5 lbs.
My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know
what you're doing, someone else does.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then,
your body and your fat are really good friends.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together
and setting my knickers on fire.
Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like," You
know, sometimes I just forget to eat." "Now ... I've forgotten my
address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys.
But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of
stupid to forget to eat.
A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She
had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.
They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all
that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said,
"Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous
Clear as a bell my body said "Listen well ... do it and die."
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing
and then they marry him.
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are:
eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they
kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day!
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans
is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
PRAYER FOR WOMAN:
Dear Lord, I pray
For WISDOM to understand my man
LOVE to forgive him
PATIENCE for his moods
Because, Lord, if I pray for STRENGTH
I'll beat him to death
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