Laughter Remedies and Stress Relief
Children's Collection
Grandma's House
When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house.
"Is that your grandmother?" I asked.
"Yes, "Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas."
"How nice," I said. "Where does she live?"
"At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."
Animal Crackers
When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for, then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter.
"What are you doing?" his Mom asked.
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
Soldiers Coffee
This little grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson -- one morning.He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in the cup.
She said, "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?"
Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV 'The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!'"
Sex Kittens?
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother,
"There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."
"How did you know that?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
The Tooth Fairy
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my
afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
Holy Trinity
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made
ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity
intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather. And unto the Soonnn.......and into the hole he gooooes."
Schools Out
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
"I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!
Computer Prodigy
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor.
She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read,"
Color Test
I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I
decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it
was. She would tell me, and always she was correct But it was fun for
me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely,
"Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
20,000 Leaks?
Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his father about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?" With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad,
it was the 20,000 leaks!"
Fireflies
When my grandson, Billy, and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.
Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights,"
BVDs
When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm
not sure."
"Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four,"
Spelling Bees and Birds
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom,
guess what? We learned how to make babies today."
The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.
"That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change"Y" to "I" and add 'es'."
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