Work Laughter Remedies & Stress Relief
A Collection of Work Related Jokes
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot.
The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500".
"Why so much," asks the man? The shop owner says, "He knows how to use a computer".
The man then asks about the next parrot and is told that this one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.
Naturally, the man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs $2,000.
Startled he asks, "What can it do?" The shop owner replies, "To be honest I have never seen it do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"
A secretary, a paralegal and a partner, who all work in a city law firm, are walking through a park on their way to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the secretary. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the partner. The partner says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
The CEO --
A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers - He wants every one to 'work'.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!
The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"
A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?"
The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, "Here's four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "delivers pizza from Domino's."
BIG MAN IN A SMALL TOWN
Joe graduated from Law School and decided to open up his own practice in his hometown. The first day the practice opened, Joe saw a man walking towards his office. He decided he was going to make a big impression. Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while talking.
"No. Absolutely not, you tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than one million. Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."
This went on for almost five minutes.
Finally, Joe hung up the phone and turned to the man. "Sorry for the delay, as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?"
The man replied, "I'm from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone."
Read the following 6 statements and the amazing conclusion to which they lead:
1. The sport of choice for urban poor is Basketball
2. The sport of choice for maintenance-level employees is Bowling
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is Football
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is Baseball
5. The sport of choice for middle management is Tennis
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is Golf
The higher you are in the corporate structure,the smaller your balls become.
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